Today I learned that in Australia on January 26 everyone gets together to sizzle sausages and bat balls or something (I don't know - I'm only a visitor in your country, darlings, but it sounds rather camp to me).

Apparently everyone also listens to Taylor Swift - or at least, that's what hard hitting news site Buzzfeed thinks everyone should do.

Now look - I don't know what this "Hot 100" is or what "Triple J" stands for (in my country it's "Junge Junge Junge", the delightful all-boys nightclub down the street from my apartment) but I don't know why anyone would bother voting for Taylor Swift when they could vote for ME!

So honeys, forget this #Tay4Hottest100 situation and vote #HANS4Hottest100!

After all, who looks better in hot pants, hmm? (Hint: It's me).

xo
mwah
Hans


If you're anything like me (and let's face it, there's no way you could be) Easter can be a tricky time for gift-giving.

Chocolate eggs give you diabetes. Fluffy toy bunnies are just embarrassing (I mean what are you, five?).

There is only one solution, darlings.


DARLINGS! IT'S REALLY HAPPENING! I'M GOING TO EUROVISION!

Thanks to the scores of fans who signed my petition I'll be heading to Copenhagen in May to perform at Europe's biggest cultural event, with Jessica Mauboy as my support act.

Exciting news this morning darlings, as it's been announced AUSTRALIA will have a starring role in this year's Eurovision song contest in Copenhagen!

This is now geographically correct.

Everyone's talking about Marcia Hines getting her cricketers confused on Twitter yesterday, but that's not half as embarrassing as what she tweeted a few hours later:


Darlings, with my Melbourne Comedy Festival shows fast approaching, I thought I should do some research and investigate the local fashions.






Darlings... What can I say?